Wordless Wednesday: Homemade Super Yummy Goodness!

The Sticky Topics: How Long is Forever?

Someone recently asked me to do a post on misconceptions in foster care.  I really am not in a place to do that right now but I hope to soon.

Being a foster home isn't easy.  I can at least tell you that.  I never really pictured my family this way.  Kids who grow up now days have so many TV shows with dysfunctional families they may very well picture their family as non-traditional as ours is.  Maybe my kids will picture themselves as foster parents.  When I think back I realize my family was pretty non-traditional.  I had a mom, step dad, full brother, half sister and uncle who was only 2 years older than me with me living in my house.  Not to mention a dad, step mom (eventually 2 step moms) and by the time I was 18 years old I seven other sisters and two other brothers living elsewhere.  It didn't feel weird to me though, it just felt like family.

Even the first 9 years as a mother didn't prepare me for many of the challenges we've faced in the last 3 years or foster and adoptive parenting.  Heck, 10 years of being a military wife didn't prepare me for the incredible invasion of privacy, ridiculous rules and zero rights that is foster care!  (All of which are worth it for the most part.)

One such challenge has reared it's ugly head in both our girls.  "I don't want to go to a new home, I don't want a new mommy and daddy".  I can't even begin to tell you how heartbreaking it is to hear your child say this.  Perhaps it's because we can't help but imagine what their life may have been like if they'd been placed with another family and passed up for adoption, moving from home to home.  Or stayed with their unstable families.  What their life could have been, could have been horrible. 

We don't dwell on that.  It's just not fun.  It's just in those moments when they're so happy and your heart is filled with immeasurable amounts of joy and you can't help but panic - what if I'd passed this up?  What if I'd missed this?  What if I'd ignored God's path and chosen my own?  Every day I'm thankful His plan was better than mine.

So what do you say to your child who is afraid they will leave like the other children in your home?  How do you explain to them that you could no sooner give them up than cut off your own arm?  That they are a part of you that you will never give up?  I tell my girls "you're mine forever" but how do you explain forever to a 2 year old? 

I talk to the girls a lot about knowing how to be a mom.  I try to explain to them that some women don't know how to be moms.  They don't know how to meet their children's needs.  That kids need to be safe and some mom's don't know how to keep their kids safe.  I tell them that I do know how to take care of them, I do feed them, I do keep them safe.  So there is no reason for anyone to ever take them to a new home.  Do they understand this though? 

Do we shelter our kids and stop fostering so they will feel better?  We don't feel the Lord saying we are to quit.  We know we're to keep fostering.  We want to keep fostering.  I love the children who come into our home so much, I can't imagine life without them either.  These sweet little beings I get to love and adore for a time.  It's hard but I really love it. 

So how do we do both?  Love on these little ones while making sure our girls (and any future little ones who stay forever) know this is their forever family?  I really don't have an answer to this.  I just know I pray a lot about it.  I have to trust that if this is God's plan for my life that He will give me the words and He will care for my girls hearts.

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7

Blech

The title sums up how I feel.  I really despise being sick.  I have things to do!  I feel like I've been the worlds biggest couch potato for a week now and I'm over it. 

Ok, to be honest I don't mind the occasional day when I don't feel well and I can veg on the couch with movies or play a game on the computer without my to-do list doing that loop play in my head.  But that's one day.  I've now been sick for a week!  It's getting old!  It got old 6 days ago!

Urgent care diagnosed me with a sinus infection yesterday (duh).  What exactly does it mean when the doctor says "Oh, it's lookin' pretty bad up there" when she looks up your nose?  What can you possibly see with that tiny little light?  My nose isn't that big!

So hopefully now I have meds I'll be getting better.  I am tired of being in bed.  I'm rarely bedridden when I'm sick but spent the majority of 2 days in bed this past week and it's BORING.  Not to mention I feel bad when I'm not taking care of my family.  I must have apologized to my hubby about 50 times for being sick yesterday, even though it was him that was making me stay in bed. 

I do have to say, I'm lucky to have such a great hubby who doesn't mind picking up the slack.  By that I mean he doesn't just leave it for when I'm better, he actually does what needs to be done.  So now that I'm on the mend I'm not overwhelmed with a pile of stuff that has been accumulating for a week.  I have a little pile, but nothing that is going to stress me out so much that it's going to slow my mending. 

The one thing that seems to have stacked up is the girls need for motherly affection, I have a few days worth to catch up on and since my Baby Cakes is standing here asking for her morning cuddle time I am off!  Have a great week everyone!

Wordless Wednesday: Perfect Zoo Day

The Sticky Topics: Stranger Danger

Once again a topic that has proved different for a biological child than an adopted child, for our family anyhow.

When Mini Jedi was a toddler and learning about strangers we lived in one of the most friendly places in the world - Italy.  I couldn't walk half a block without someone stopping to coo over Mini Jedi.  Often they'd tell me he was "molto freddo" (very cold), since most people in Europe bundle their babies much more than we bundle ours.  (Those poor little sweaty Italian babies never looked thrilled to have 5 layers on, let me tell you!)  Although everyone wanted to talk to him we were still able to teach him not to go with strangers or talk to them much.  He had a healthy bit of fear of strangers, nothing that kept him from speaking to them all together, but enough that he knew not to share personal information. 

My Fancy Pants... what a different story.  This child would tell a stranger her life story and then go right home with them.  This week at Gymnastics she ran up and hugged a lady there she'd only met one other time.  She told me on the way home she loves this other lady she's only met once as well!  Trying to teach her about strangers is like pulling teeth! 

What does this have to do with adoption?  Fancy Pants has many of the signs of an attachment issue.  I probably would never say she has an attachment disorder, she just has a few little issues we are working through is all.  And it's pretty understandable given her past.  Although I am her forever mommy, I am not the first person to mother her, or even the second.  Losing so many mothers at such a young age has taken it's toll.  Having a mother, then being told "now this stranger is your mother".  Then, "oh wait, now this is your mother".  I wasn't a stranger when she came to me but I wasn't her mother until that moment either.  If I could go back and do things over I would.  I have read more about attachment in adoption now and I would have made a lot of changes in who cared for her and how.  Experts stress that for the first 6 months to a year the new parents only should meet every need of the child.  If someone else is in the home and the child has a need they are to direct them back to the mommy and daddy.  This gives them a solid foundation of who they can go to to meet their needs.  Can you imagine how hard this would have been for my very social family?  I did try this to some extent in the beginning but was quickly guilted out of it.  For our next adoption though this is something we will make more of a priority.

Now however, as much as I try to stress that we just don't talk to every person in the grocery store, we don't hug strangers, etc. Fancy Pants just doesn't understand.  She may quit talking to people in front of me, but the minute I turn my back she is telling a stranger at church her life story and hugging all over them again! 

Yesterday she asked me "How come you get to talk to strangers but I don't?"  Hmmm... very good question for a 4 year old.  I fumbled through an answer... I told her I was big, I could defend myself if a stranger tried to take me.  I told her "Can I pick you up?"  She of course answered yes.  I asked "Can you pick me up?"  No.  I told her it would be much harder for a stranger to take me or hurt me than it would be for a stranger to take her or hurt her.  I really have no clue if my answer sunk in or not.

So my question today is - how do you teach your children that things you get to do as an adult aren't double standards but for their own good?  How would you have answered Fancy Pants' question?  And what do you do to teach your children about stranger danger?

The Sticky Topics

One thing every parent can agree on is that we are all likely to disagree on how to parent.  Every parent has their own way of parenting, unique to them.  Why?  Well because every child is different!  I know best what works for my child.  Most parents know what works best for their children (most, not all or we wouldn't need nearly as many foster homes!)

Even though I know what works for me, and you know what works for you we often like to share ideas.  What you do may not work for my children because my family just isn't traditional.  What I do you  may not need to do if you birthed all your children yourself.  Unfortunately often this type of difference leads to irritation.  "Why can't she just try it my way, it works for me!" 

I often desire to write about parenting, especially since I have one of the most strong willed children I've ever met.  But it's the thought of this irritation and attitude many have that their way is the only right way that stops me.  I really hate conflict.  It wrenches my gut, I am just not built for it.

I can't help but think though that my readers are pretty mature and I really would like some opinions on these different topics that I sometimes struggle with in my parenting.  I admit it - I am not the perfect parent.  Never have been, never will be.  But I think I do ok.  My kids seem happy at least :) 

"The Sticky Topics" seemed an appropriate title for the parenting discussions.  Let's keep them friendly and uplifting!  The first Sticky Topic will go out tomorrow morning :)

You're Beautiful

So although I've been a mother for 12 years, I've only been the mother of girls for a little over 2 1/2.  Being the mom of girls is hard work, let me tell you.  My son seemed to come out of the womb with a high self esteem.  I didn't worry as much in his entire 12 years on this earth as I have about the girls in the past 2 years.  I put thought and effort into parenting him right, but I don't think much about making sure that the way the world defines beautiful doesn't sink into his heart and never make him feel good enough.  It seems as if no matter how hard you try with girls now days, the world's view of what is beautiful is going to have a big impact on them. 

I want my girls to know that they are beautiful, but I want them to know the right meaning of beauty.  I want them to know that beauty comes from the inside more so than the outside.  I really love the new Veggie Tails SweetPea Beauty movie which talks about all of this.  I bought the girls a Veggie Tails Girls Songs CD today and this song from one of my favorite christian artists, Nichole Nordeman is on it.  Have a listen and tell me what you do to make sure your girls know that they are beautiful and the true meaning of beauty.

Every girl young and old has to face her own reflection

Twirl around, stare it down

What’s the mirror gonna say

With some luck, you’ll measure up

But you might not hold a candle to the rest

“Is that your best?” says the mirror to the mess

But there’s a whisper in the noise

Can you hear a little voice

and he says

Has anybody told you you’re beautiful?

You might agree if you could see what I see

Oh

‘Cuz everything about you is incredible

You should have seen me smile the day that I made you beautiful for me

If it’s true beauty lies in the eye of the beholder

What my life and what’s inside to give him something to behold

I want a heart that’s captivating

I wanna hear my Father say

Has anybody told you you’re beautiful?

You might agree if you could see what I see

Oh

‘Cuz everything about you is incredible

You should have seen me smile the day that I made you beautiful for me

Close your eyes

Look inside

Let me see the you that you’ve been trying to hide

Long ago, I made you so very beautiful

So I ought to know you’re beautiful

Has anybody told you you’re beautiful?

You might agree if you could see what I see

Yeah

‘Cuz everything about you is incredible

You should have seen me smile the day that I made you beautiful

You’re so beautiful

Beautiful for me

So beautiful for me

Has anybody told you?

Wordless Wednesday: Tu-tu Cute

The Narrow Road

Our church hosted a conference at the beginning of the year, Sunday the 2nd through Wednesday the 5th.  Every night was filled with the presence of God and just amazing.  Some things I'd been holding onto for years I was set free from in this time.  God really showed me how He wants to be center in my life and I am excited about this new phase of my life.  The last night we ended with a night of prophetic worship with Rick Pino and his band.  It was truly an amazing end to an amazing conference.  To just sit and worship with this new peace I have... amazing.  I felt like Sunday night and Tuesday night I let go of so much and went in Wednesday expecting the Lord to show up mightily, and I wasn't disappointed.  I think this was the 3rd song of the night and it really spoke to my heart.  Have a listen and then I'll tell you how it spoke to me -

The Narrow Road

Let me walk with You on the narrow road

I know it may get lonely but I know that I'm not alone

I'll seek You in the wilderness, I know that's where You are

You whisper like the breeze, You're speaking to my heart, You say...

The wide gate looks so beautiful

but destruction is its end

Go against the stream, my friend

and stand where angels fear to tread

At Your feet I lay my crowns and with my tears I sow

into those who will one day

know the glory of the narrow road

It seems like a short song, but it's a prophetic song, so when Rick and his band play it Rick also sings what the Holy Spirit speaks to him, it ends up quite long.  It really is beautiful.  As we began to sing that first verse and we got to the part where it says "You're speaking to my heart,  you say..." it was like God was flooding my heart with the rest of the song.  I don't know a better way to describe it than this.  Every word had meaning and He related it to our foster care journey for me. 

He showed me that for us a "traditional" family just wasn't the road He wanted us to walk down.  That He wanted us to go against the stream, to go a different road.  When we sang "where angels fear to tread" he showed me many of His followers who have come to me and said "I could never foster, it would break my heart, I could never give them back," etc.  He showed me that these are God fearing people but they still don't want to go where we go.  I've struggled for 3 years with people saying things like this to me because it's really not easy for me either, but some say it as if there must be something wrong with me.  Or, that is how I perceive their words.

The more children that come and go from our home it seems the harder and harder it is to see them leave.  I put my trust in God and He alone deals with my brokenness.  He has called me to do this and I can not stand on my own, so I have to let Him.  Really, there is no other way I possibly could let go of these children than to just allow God to do the hard part.  Even so, I struggle when they leave with "did I pour into them enough?  Were they able to see God's love for them through me?"  I struggle with that with every child, I think about how I could have poured more into them and the next verse of this song really spoke to me about this struggle - "At your feet I lay my crowns and with my tears I sow into those who will one day know the glory of the narrow road".  The Lord knows I sow many tears into these kids.  He really just spoke to my heart, that my tears are sowing into their future, that they will know God through the love we've poured into them, our hearts breaking for them, every bit of it is worth it if it means these children will one day know the glory of the narrow road, God's path for their life.  I guess that's one thing I struggle to get across to people - yes, it is hard, it is so hard.  But it's WORTH it.  These kids are worth it.  They are important for God's kingdom.  If we don't sow into them, even with our broken hearts and tears, then who will?  It's the hard dirty work, even angels don't want to tread this way.

After all that, the first part of the song spoke to me last.  I'm never alone in this walk.  God is always with me.  And He's sent me some amazing friends.  If fostering is something God has called us to then surely He won't leave us alone on this hard road.  He is with us every step of the way. 

I encourage you, the path God is calling you to... it may look long and scary but He is there, He is with you and it is worth it.  It isn't the pretty path, but it is the better path.  It's hard, it's sometimes lonely, it's the dirty work.  But God lifts us up and washes us and makes us new.  Take that first step - it is worth it!

The Queen's Tea Party

So yesterday I shared about our little Fancy Pants' birthday.  This year was the first we were able to throw a party for her.  I decided to go all out :) 

We had a Queen of Hearts Tea Party, very girly since she is the ultimate girl and loves all things girly.  When I first met her I thought she was a little bit of a tom boy.  I think it may be because I rarely saw her in dresses.  Oh boy was I wrong.  There's not an ounce of tom boy in that little girl's body, just like her mommy!  I love it!  She loves pretty hair, shoes, earrings and dresses.  She loves to have her fingers and toes painted.  So I knew I wanted to do something super girly for her birthday.  I saw some really cute heart stuff in the $1 section of Target (LOVE that they have this!) and the idea just exploded.  A friend made the cake and centerpiece and we had 10 little girls, plus Fancy Pants and Baby Cakes at the party.  Daddy made chairs and benches and a huge table for the girls to sit at.  I ended up sewing each little girl a personalized party favor and sewed little teabag bean bags.  We just had so much fun!  Here are some highlights -

Setting Up -

We didn't have enough room for 12 little girls so daddy made chairs, benches and a table!

Each little girl got an embroidered door hanger with her name on it and a box of girly goodies!

Food included little chocolate "tea cakes".  Heart shaped tea sandwiches (butter & jelly), pretzels and "tea" (warm apple cider or cold apple juice).

Centerpiece!  We didn't get any photos of it on the table :(

The Cake -



The Tea Part -

It was ADORABLE!

The Queen



Games and Crafts -

Toss the Tea Bags into the Tea Cup

I sewed little teabags and attached little strings and embroidered labels.

Pin the Teabag on the Teapot

Daddy drew the teapot for his sweet girl

Each little girl made a crown (crowns were just white bulletin board borders I got at Mardel in the teacher supply area.)  They also each made a heart necklace (Oriental Trading) and got a little box of goodies.

My 4 year old -

She had so much fun being the Queen of the day!

2 1/2 Years Your Mother, 4 Years My Daughter

This weekend marked Fancy Pants' 4 years on this earth and 2 1/2 years as my daughter.  I have to say, her birthday is a strange day of mixed feelings and emotions for me.  Sometimes I am so sad I didn't get to give birth to my precious daughter.  I am always happy with the way God brought her to me though.  I love our unique story.  I love that I fell in love with each of my children in a different way.  But I see her baby photos and want to scoop that little baby up and love on her, I want to blow raspberries on her little neck and rock her to sleep in my arms.  Unless you've adopted an older child you probably don't quite understand.  Think about your favorite moments of your child's first year of life and imagine not having any of those memories.  I know people will say "just focus on the time you get to have".  And I do!  I cherish my time with her, but it's ok that I am sad for the time I lost.  (I could go on and on about how frustrating it is for people who haven't walked in my shoes to tell me how I should feel, but that's for another blog some other time!)

It's so strange for me to think about the day she was born and have no recollection of that day.  It's normal for a mother to recollect the day her child came onto this earth.  She often thinks about the moment she realized she was in labor, how long it took, the first time she gazed upon her new sweet baby, the love that swelled in her heart, etc.  I think about her birth mother on this day and wonder if she aches for her daughter.  I'm sure she thinks of all these things.  I have no doubt in my mind that Fancy Pants birth mother loved her.  I won't share her story but I do know Fancy Pants was wanted and loved.  The choices she had to make were choices I will never have to feel the pressure of making.  (Again, another blog, for another time.)

I recollect a lot of other things on this day that I can share - Although I don't remember the day she was born I have a very clear memory of the day I met her.  She was about 8 or 9 months old, sitting in a stroller.  I spoke to her mom at the time and talked to her about foster parenting as Tony played with Fancy Pants.  There was just something about her that captured both our hearts, but we chalked it up to that we wanted a daughter so badly.  We talked about her as we left the church that day and encouraged each other that there was a little girl out there for us too.  Little did we know....  :)

I remember the agonizing wait after finally letting my heart have hope and submitting our homestudy to become her mother (This was my "labor").  I remember praying and waiting... I think we had to wait over 2 weeks (small wait compared to overseas but agonizing just the same) to hear if a stranger felt we were a good match for this little girl we'd fallen so in love with.  I remember emailing trusted friends to please pray, the longer we waited the more I worried and wondered.  There were months from when we felt the Lord saying we were to be her parents and when she actually was adoptable, but I did ok up until these last few weeks.  There were agonizing.  I remember receiving the call that we were chosen for her parents.  I remember crying and literally jumping for joy. 

I remember the day she came to my home to be my daughter.  She was 18 months to the day.  She walked into our home and into our lives forever.  She'd been there before so she knew just where the toys were.  We did paperwork as she played with the other kids.  The crowning moment in this day was when she toddled up to me and crawled up into my lap and promptly fell asleep.  I rocked her for her entire nap that day.  It was like the kiss at the end of a wedding ceremony - sealing the deal.  Sealing her in my heart forever. 

Let me tell you what I think happened in my life on the day she was born.  I can't help but believe I had a great day!  I believe a new hope was born in my heart that day.  How could it not have been a good day?  My daughter was born that day!  I believe I was meant to be her mother from the moment she was conceived. As He knit her together in her birth mother's womb, He thought of me.  I believe God works all things for our good.  On that day He was working her life and my infertility for all our goods.  On the day my daughter was born I lived half a world away from her.  God used many people to keep her safe until we could be together.  I believe that on that day and for her first 18 months of life I may not have mothered her, but this sweet little girl was very much my daughter.   

Something New

Today I am starting something new, a challenge to make my Home like Heaven in 2011.  A friend is leading this challenge on her blog -


Head over there now to see what it's about and join in!  You can also look for her fan page on facebook and get some encouragement in your journey!

This post is linked to Making our Homes Like Heaven in 2011 on Nailing Jello to a Tree!

Wordless Wednesday

Resolutions?

Seems like a pretty customary post and since my family is kind of small right now I'm having trouble coming up with topics!

So, I haven't really thought a whole lot about resolutions this year.  Mostly because I've been doing this for awhile and I never seem to follow through.  Makes making them feel a little pointless.  So here are a few things I'd like to do in 2011-

1. Lose weight.  I rejoined Weight Watchers and am going to weigh in once a week with a few friends.  We are all doing the system online to save money.  I had lost 20 pounds in 2010, however this past month I gained a few back so I can't claim the full 20 anymore :(  But I will get back on track!
2. Sewing.  I'd like to commit to sewing at least 1/3 of the girls clothes.  There are so many cute free patterns online that I really want to try, so why not?  I have a lot of fabric already and since the girls are still pretty small they don't require much fabric to cover their little bodies so even when I have to buy it won't be too much $$.  I also shop very frugally so I'll hit the fabric stores when they have good sales.
3. Money.  I'd like to be better with it!  It would be great if I could find a way to bring some in from home to help pay off some bills.  However, with the kids and volunteer work we do, I really have no time for a job!  I can do better with what money we have now though. 
4. 12 New Things.  I'm stealing this one from a friend.  She made her 12 things list but is doing them as a New Years Resolution.  Since I slacked off mine once we started fostering again I need to get the ball rolling again.  So here's my 12 New Things re-ordered for the new year, plus a few extra since I did actually do a few (not even in order either, like I did learn how to can food, which was to be in July)!

January - Learn how to use the embroidery part of my sewing machine.

February - Learn how to use the serger that a friend gave me, including making my own Serger Cheat Book
March - Make the girls both twirly skirts.

April - Learn how to allow the kids in the kitchen to help me cook. I know this sounds funny, I'll explain more in April.

May - Learn the ins and outs of my camera... I have a Rebel XSi and I barely know how to use it.

June - Make great risotto...mmmmm.....
July - Learn how to make hair bows for the girls!
August - Learn how to do some woodworking so I can make some of those fabulous things Ana White has on her website!
 
September - Learn how to lesson plan and organize for homeschooling.  This will be the last school year before Fancy Pants should start Kindergarten and I want to do a dry run of preschool all year!  I am most likely going to start Baby Cakes Kindergarten at the same time I start Fancy Pants.
 
October - Sew each family member a Christmas stocking
 
November - Make hand made stationary sets for Christmas gifts.
 
December - I have no idea.... I'm going to have to get back to this one as the year goes on.