Got Friends?

Do you have good friends?  Does that sound like a funny question?  It's just that I have some really good friends.  I don't just mean they are nice people... these women are wonderful, beautiful women of God.  Words really can't do justice on how much they have touched my life.

I'm sure you're thinking "well, what makes these friends so special".  I could say "well, they drop everything and rush to my side in times of trouble" or "they listen when I need to vent" or "we laugh like crazy when we're together."  And all these things would be true... but what makes them the most special is their love for God.  I know for a fact that God has placed these precious women in my life.  Not just to support me but to be supported by me as well.  We lean on each other and learn from each other, speak positive words into each other's lives, pray for one another.  We are totally different but just the same as well.  Each of us brings a uniqueness to the group and together we are whole... sounds strange but that's the only way to put it!  It is a friendship like I've never experienced before. 

If you don't have friends who speak love into your life, who encourage and uplift, even if they must confront you about something, it's all done in a positive way, then I am telling you - you are missing out!  After all, the Bible says -

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. Proverbs 27:17 NLT

Think about it.  If your friend isn't bringing out the best in you, praying for you, encouraging you, building you up, supporting your marriage, uplifting you, a positive influence on your life and family... then what kind of a friend is that?  And if you aren't doing the same for them then what kind of a friend are you?

I hope and pray that I am as good a friend to these beautiful women of God as they are to me, that I am somehow able to bless them even a fraction of how much they have blessed me...

My crazy friends - I love all of you, thank you for being you.

If it seems we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God. 2 Corinthians 5:13 NLT

What's for dinner?

Saturday I cleaned out the pantry and found 10 1lb bags of black beans.  Why do I have so many you ask?  Well because we get WIC and they give you beans and I have neglected to use them the way that I should.  It's hard to find recipes now days that start with dried beans!  Everything calls for cans of beans.  We love black beans, but the cans are fairly expensive compared to dried.

So, as I was cleaning out the pantry I grabbed two bags of black beans and soaked them, not knowing what I would do with them.  The next morning I rinsed them and put them into the crockpot with some chopped onions I found in the freezer.  Since I had gotten a stomach bug the night before cooking 2 pounds of black beans no longer sounded very appealing to me!  But what on earth to do with them?  Well, I found a site that said to cook them for 8 hours in the crockpot and then put them in freezer bags, 1 2/3 cup in each bag, and use them just as you would canned beans!  Perfect!

That still didn't solve our dinner issue for the night.  Even when mom is sick the family needs to eat.  Right now would be the perfect time to say I whipped out a lovely casserole that I had prepared ahead of time for occasions such as this.  However, I am so behind on my freezer cooking that all that's left are 2 quiche mixes and Tony doesn't like quiche.  Oh, there's also some cooked ground beef and chicken.  But no meals.  We also have used all of our eating out budget for the month so I had to come up with something.

Luckily I'd just done the freezer and pantry inventory and knew everything we had on hand!  It is a great feeling to know exactly what you have!

Here is what I made -

1 package turkey kielbasa
3 to 5 cloves fresh garlic (we like a lot)
about 2 cups of cooked black beans
sea salt
14oz can of diced tomatoes with basil, oregano and garlic (Italian style I believe)
(my black beans were cooked with onions in them, if they were not I would have added some onions)
cooked rice (luckily we had some leftover in the fridge)

I sprayed a couple sprays of olive oil into the cast iron skillet since the turkey keilbasa doesn't have much fat to fry itself in -

I love to cook them until they are a little crispy (I would have added onion in this step if the beans didn't have it).  Then I added the garlic, stirred it a few times and added the beans.  After that heated up a bit I added the can of tomatoes and a few grinds of salt and heated until it simmered.  I let it simmer for about 5 minutes.  At this point, if children weren't eating it I would have added some heat to it, some peppers or chili powder or even maybe some cayenne pepper.  Serve it over your cooked rice (we like brown!)

All in all it tasted pretty good for being a throw together meal.  Tony and the kids loved it.  I had saltine crackers.

I got 6 freezer bags full of black beans out of the 2 pounds of dried beans as well!  I'll try to do a cost breakdown later, but for us they were FREE!

Tot School: Week 1

So week one of Tot School went well, but we didn't get to do as much as I'd hoped.  The first week of school is always super busy though right?  I'm not disappointed, but I do need to rework a few things.

I have decided to have 3 weekly themes for the girls and each theme will be used for three weeks.  Basically each week one theme will be dropped and two rolled over.  Like this -

Week 1
Colors, Emotions, Vegetables

Week 2
Farm Animals, Colors, Emotions

Week 3
The Letter A, Farm Animals, Colors

Week 4
Shapes, The Letter A, Farm Animals

You get the picture.  Since we only do two or three activities a day we will have plenty of time to get a lot of activities in and having the themes stay for 3 weeks will give the girls a chance to grasp the concepts we're introducing. 

So back to our week.  As I said before this weeks themes were colors, emotions and vegetables.  We did a lot with the colors and vegetables but didn't get to the emotions much.  I have a great game from Discovery Toys that deals with emotions and I also want to teach the girls some sign language for their emotions, so we will focus on that next week.

We did some color sorting and the girls had a blast with it!  We did this twice and each time they got better.  Fancy Pants grasped the concept the first time we played, but Baby Cakes had it down by the 2nd. 

Baby Cakes had a lot of fun putting her pompoms in the dish and blowing them across the smooth surface. 

Fancy Pants first built a tree house (which got destroyed before I could snap a pic) with her shapes.  I did start her sorting piles off but she quickly caught on.  The first day all I did was see what they could do.  The second day I was going to start with sorting just two colors but they both just started sorting all the colors on their own!  They are some smart little girlies :)

For vegetables we went to the farmers market here in town.  I wish I'd thought to take my camera.  The girls helped me pick out vegetables and fruits of many colors.  We got red tomatoes and peppers, orange melons, yellow squash, green beans and peppers, and white acorn squash. 

First thing we did when we got home was pull out everything we bought and look at it.  We talked about all the colors and cut into a melon of course!  The girls reactions to the melon couldn't have been more different.

Baby Cakes wasn't impressed and asked for tomatoes instead.  Fancy Pants loved it and asked for more.  Both girls ended the day with smiles and have experienced something fun and new!

Too-Much To-Do

I have so much to do today, it doesn't help that I'm "under the weather" so to speak.  I got so much done yesterday you'd think I'd be fine with taking a day to relax.  No, I still have a never ending to-do list. 

We've slowly been trying to organize all the storage space in the house.  The pantry, kitchen and bathroom cabinets, hall closets and cabinets, our closet, all our baby gear we keep around for foster kids.  It's a slow process but yesterday I finally took the last sticky note off the last closet and even organized one I didn't have a note on.  I do need to organize the coat closet, then we'll be done!  I'm pretty happy with what I've accomplished so far.  The last thing we need to clean and organize is the Mini Jedi's room. 

Tony bought me a fancy new label maker and I was able to label the shelves in the pantry.  These are the best pics I have... I was too busy to stop and take any decent ones.

So what is left to do?  Well, I need to make a menu plan for the week, plan the girls Tot School stuff for the week, clean off a pile of recipes on the fireplace that have been sitting there for weeks, and of course finish the stockings I've been sewing for the church.  I also need to blog about how Tot School went for the girls last week!  Also, since I was busy organizing yesterday the weekly cleaning hasn't gotten done yet, so I need to clean the bathrooms, dust and vacuum. 

In the meantime I'm sitting here... because everytime I get up to do something my stomach cramps up again.  The perk about not feeling well though is that all the girls want to do is sit and cuddle with me - one of my favorite things in the world!

Celebrating Family

Today is one of my most favorite days of the year.  Today is the one year anniversary of the adoption of our Baby Cakes.  For us this day is huge... it is so special I could never put into words what it means to us.  I think it's best described in Isaiah 6:3-

and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
 
You see, five years before Baby Cakes adoption we lost a baby, one we had been praying for for years.  Tony and I worked hard to forget the exact day we lost the baby, as it wasn't something that happened in just one day but spread out over a few anyhow.  To us the days blur together and thinking about them is still very painful.  I know some people can't forget the day they lose their precious little one and can't imagine how we could have forgotten the date.  At the time it seemed it would help.  However, as the years passed the end of August just became a mourning period for me, not just one day but a week or so of intense sadness that often started building through the beginning of the month and lingered well into September. 
 
Isn't it amazing how God turns our ashes into beauty, our mourning into dancing?  I have no doubt in my mind that He meant for Baby Cakes to be adopted during this week.  We had many delays and had picked a few different days, something always came up and pushed our adoption back until we finally were able to on August 24.  Baby Cakes adoption wasn't an easy one, as we almost lost her to another family.  So her adoption day for us was such a time of celebration!  Our week of mourning has turned into a week of celebration.  We were so busy last year with moving into a new home (a year ago tomorrow!) and gearing up for the adoption, my mom visiting, etc. that although I did think about our baby we lost, I didn't put together the significance the day of Baby Cakes adoption.  It was only a few weeks ago that I started thinking of it, about the time I started thinking of the baby we lost.  While I still mourn the baby that we lost and think of him often, I am so thankful for the children God has blessed us with.  This year August hasn't been a time of mourning for me as it usually is but a time of gladness and thankfulness.  I love our family, I love the way it was built, not just through biology, but through love.  Mostly I am thankful that God's plan is always better than my own, that he has blessed me beyond anything I could have imagined for myself or my family.  I can't wait to see what He has for us next!
 
You turned my wailing into dancing;

you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy - Psalm 30:11

I survived....

Well, so far I survived the first day of middle school for my Mini Jedi.  The youth group at our church served them a great breakfast this morning and prayed with them before their first day.  We attended that and then I dropped him off out front of the school.  There were plenty of teachers out there to help guide them.  I just need to keep reminding myself that they are used to having new 6th graders come in every year and they are pretty much pros at getting them to where they need to go.  I am anxious to hear from my Mini Jedi how his first day went, if his teachers were nice, were the other kids nice, etc.?

Meanwhile today we also started the first day of Tot School at home.  The girls had a great time playing and sorting shapes and pompoms this morning.  This afternoon we are going to color with different shades of red.  Tomorrow morning we are going to head to the farmers market and get all different colored vegetables.  The girls are going to help me wash and prepare them and we'll make some soup for dinner.  Tomorrow evening they get to take a bath with red colored water.  I found a little pack of bath dyes that we got in a free Crayola fun kit a few years ago.  Hopefully by the end of the week they will know a few more colors, but the point is fun and they are having a blast so far!

I found today, after the bit of panic wore off when I dropped Mini Jedi off, that I am really looking forward to our routine again.  It was nice to have a little break over the summer, but things tend to get lax around the house when you take too long a break.  I have been cleaning and organizing closets for a few weeks and my house is more organized than ever, but things like meal planning have fallen by the wayside.  While I didn't gain any weight while I was on vacation in July, I also didn't lose any.  So my diet needs to become a priority as well, before I gain back any of the 10 pounds I lost in the spring.  We added some things this year, we are joining a foster parent association and the girls and I are going to attend MOPS.  All in all it is looking to be a great year here in our shoe!

I'm not ready!

When I was younger the first day of school was always so exciting!  I remember barely being able to sleep.  Of course that may have been from the rollers my mom would put in my hair the night before.  I remember the excitement of picking that first outfit from my new stash of school clothes.  Wondering if my best friends would be in the same class as me and worrying the teacher would sit me next to a BOY... I shudder at the thought :)

The first day of school now holds a different meaning and this year especially, I'm not all together sure I like it.  My baby is going to Middle School.  Now, I know he isn't a baby anymore, but my Mini Jedi is my first born child.  It amazes me that 11 1/2 years have already passed since I gave birth to him.  How do they grow so fast?  Can't time slow down a bit?  It seems just like last month we would walk together down to the piazza in Maniago, Italy to get Mini Jedi a little cup of gelato after dinner.  All the old Italian ladies would fuss over him and he would shake hands with all the old Italian men.  I remember thinking then that surely he would never be old enough to be a "tween".... yet here he is.  Starting Middle School tomorrow.  I know I can't stop it.  But I still don't have to like it....

Adoption Resources

The last few days I have been thinking a lot about false beliefs in adoption.  I've had others share with me stories of people's ignorance and hurtful words.  When we first started our journey I was surprised about what came out of some people's mouths!  Almost three years later I am no longer that surprised.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to answer questions about adoption!  It really is one of my very favorite subjects.  My husband and I are asked questions all the time.  On vacation recently we sat and talked to another couple for a few hours about our adoptions, the pros, cons, our stories, etc.  We hope to inspire others by sharing our experience. 

I shared some tips and resources but I'd love for our readers to share some too.  Please leave a comment below sharing some of your favorite books, websites, or any resources you can think of.  I'd also love to hear your adoption stories, maybe the funniest comment you've ever gotten from strangers.  The questions people ask you the most and how you answer them!  If you are new to adoption education please feel free to post your questions, other readers or myself may be able to help answer them!

We ought therefore to show hospitality to such men so that we may work together for the truth.  
-3 John 1:8

Ignorance in Adoption, Part II: Educate Yourself!

Yesterday I wrote about peoples false beliefs about adoption.  I only wrote about a handful.  Did you know that 48% of Americans believe that adoptive kids will do poorly in school?  That is almost half of America!  39% believe that adopted kids will have more drug and alcohol issues than non-adopted children.  When I read these numbers to my husband we were both shocked and appalled.  A staggering 82% of Americans fear that birth parents will find and try to regain adopted children.  This very rarely happens!  Why do we fear it so much?  When this does happen the media is all over it, for the most part because it is very RARE.  The shock of it causes a media frenzy.  This statistic is one though that leads so many to foreign adoption instead of adopting in the country they live in.  Many of these statistics come from "20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed".  I also read recently this survey on adoption attitudes -

http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/survey/survey_summary.html

So what do we do to come against these false beliefs?  How do we change these appalling statistics?

Education is key! If you want to adopt or even just understand adoption better you need to educate yourself. There are so many false beliefs about adoption and they need to be addressed. The problem is that adoption education is only interesting to adoptive parents or potential adoptive parents. It may be interesting to friends of people who have adopted. My friends all get educated whether they like it or not because I'm very passionate about adoption, especially foster adoption!

While I was glad to see that views addressed in the survey above are changing, I really did not feel they have changed enough. There needs to be more education. With education more people will want to adopt!

The blog I read and addressed in my previous post was written by someone who admittedly knew nothing about the adoption process.  It was full of hurtful assumptions, none of which I've ever seen to be true, other than maybe in move stars, who I think should all together be left out of adoption statistics.  The media is all over it when a movie star adopts.  It gives viewers a false sense of what adoption is truly like. 

Many people wait years for a child, no matter what way they choose to go.  They hold bake sales, take out a second mortgage, research and apply for grants, donate blood, do everything they can to raise enormous amounts of money because they have a dream and a passion, not because it's the new popular fad.  To be honest it's overwhelming and it would be understandable if they just threw in the towel.  But they want to share their love with a child and they work for it.  Adoption is most definitely not the easy way to build a family.  It is hard and emotional and never ending.  Bringing the child home is only one obstacle.  It is only the beginning! 

(I would like to mention that when I commented to the writer about how hurtful her words could be she did add to her blog that she was sorry and that wasn't her intention.)

So.... Now that my rant has ended...

What should you do if you are interested in adoption? There are so many things.

• Again, educate yourself. The website above, http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/ is a great place to start.  There are many many websites out in the cyber world that give adoption facts, articles, opinions, etc.  Run a search.  I will try to remember to put some links up on the blog.
• Read books, as many as you can get your hands on, but one of the first should be "20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed". There is a question list in there on how to deal with information you gather that has to do with adoption. There's so much out there, some conflicting, which sources are trustworthy? Follow the question list and you will be able to keep in mind the good stuff and purge the bad.   Don't trust everything you read!  I'll list the books we recommend below.  Many we reference when the need arises, some we've read cover to cover.  Others are in our pile of "to read", which have been reccomended from sources I trust.  I love to read adoption stories.  They are so inspiring, don't forget to add those to your to-read list!
• Join a support group. Now days they are everywhere - Yahoo Groups is a great place to look. I am a member of a military family adoption support group, which has been invaluable to me through this process. Join a group that is diverse, get as many opinions as you can so that you will know what way to go when the time comes to make your decision.  Once you decide, join a group specific to your type of adoption, every type has it's own unique obstacles and you will need support!
• Remember that whichever way you chose (Domestic Foster Care, Domestic Infant or Overseas) there are pros and cons. Educating yourself is the best way to prepare for any obstacles that may arise.
• Don't let ignorant people pressure you one way or another or make you feel bad about your decision. This decision is yours. Again - you know what works best for your family.
• Form your own opinions.  This blog is full of my opinions.  You may disagree, and that is fine!  Adoption is a very personal journey.  If you have done your research and educated yourself don't feel bad for how you feel if it is different than others.
• Adoptive Families magazine is wonderful!  I wish we would have subscribed to it years ago, when we first were looking into adoption.  It is full of resources!

I will close this post with this - I am no expert in adoption. I am very passionate about it though. I adore all my children and love that they each have a unique story on how they became mine. My husband and I chose the path that was right for us.  Given the chance to go back we would not change a thing.  We love being advocates for foster adoption and adoption in general.  It has blessed our family more than I could ever put into words.  If we had the resources we would adopt as many children as possible... we hope to adopt again int he future!

I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD." And he worshiped the LORD there.  1 Samuel 1:27-28 NIV

Books in our adoption library -

Nurturing Adoptions, by Deborah Gray
Attaching in Adoption, by Deborah Gray
The Connected Child, by Karin Purvis
Adoption Parenting, by Sheena Macrae
20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed, by Sherrie Eldridge
20 Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, by Sherrie Eldridge
Lost Daughters of China, by Karin Evans
The Blind Side, by Michael Lewis

Ignorance in Adoption, Part I: False Beliefs

I have heard adoption described in many different ways.  Some are positive, some negative.  Some ways it's describe are true, some are not.  Most descriptions are based on ignorance and opinions gained from mainstream media, a handful of movie stars who have chosen adoption, etc. and have very little to do with the thousands of families that have successfully adopted all over the United States, be it domestic infant adoption, domestic foster care or foreign adoption.

The opinion I read today so far takes the cake.  Did you know that now days foreign adoption is the in thing to do?  Apparently it is "all the rage".  Let's just imagine this for a moment.  It is now all the rage to bring a child into your family that may not speak the same language as you, was not biologically yours, may have been neglected and in an orphanage where attention was very hard to find.  It's all the rage to care for that child, love that child, support that child.  It's all the rage to spend $30,000+ to do this.  Wow.  The things we do to run with the "in" crowd amaze me.

For the record, I don't agree with the opinion I read today.  I understand where the writer was coming from, which was why not adopt in our own respective countries before we adopt from overseas?  We chose to adopt domestically through foster care.  That doesn't mean we didn't consider all options.  We looked into foreign adoption for years before we decided on foster care.  There were many different reasons we chose this path, one being the desire to continually help children through becoming foster parents, not just adopting.  Another one was finances.  Do I wish more people adopted domestically?  Yes, I do!  I believe that many people chose to adopt from overseas due to the belief that it is more safe for them, that there will be no biological parent to someday come looking for the child.  This has proven to be a false view over the last few years.  More and more countries are finding that their adoption processes are full of corruption.  This is not the only reason people chose foreign adoption, there are many reasons, all personal to the family adopting.

We chose foster care.  Adoption through foster care is risky.  We knew that risk going in and decided to take our chances.  This risk is very real and although we have successfully adopted both the children we hoped to adopt, we came very close to losing our Baby Cakes.  Sometimes I wonder if I would have ever recovered, having loved and cared for her for 6 months only to lose her.  A very good friend of mine loved and cared for her precious little girl for over a year before she was sent back to her biological family.  This crushed my friend and over a year later she is still trying to recover... part of her heart will always be broken for losing her little girl.  Many people do not want to risk this, and who could blame them!  Overseas adoption often saves people from such heartache.  Not always, but often.

What is my favorite adoption myth?  This one really makes my blood boil.  Many people believe that adoptive parents are heroes or are "special people".  My favorite response to this comes out of "20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed" which says that every parent interviewed for the book detested this statement.  They went on to say -

Some parents felt that calling them heroes is a way of keeping the issue of adoption at arms length and that it illuminated the communicator's discomfort with the subject of adoption.  They felt no more heroic than other parents who love and parent a child.

The writer today described overseas adoption as us needing to help other countries to make us look like heroes, while ignoring our own country.  To me this statement is a spit in the face to families who have adopted from overseas!  I don't think the writer meant it to be so hurtful but her ignorant statement will hurt those who chose to adopt from overseas for their own personal reasons, none of which usually has to do with wanting to be a hero! 

I once had someone share an opinion with me about our adopting through foster care.  She had mentioned to a family member that we adopted.  That family member said "That's great, but so many people want white babies, it's too bad more people don't adopt from overseas where it's really needed". 

So who is right?  Is there a "right" way to adopt?  Our feeling is this - when Jesus came it was supposed that He was coming only for the Jews.  However, He made it very clear that He had come to save not just the Jews but the Gentiles as well.  Should He only have adopted the Jews into God's family and left the rest?  Didn't we all need to be saved?  God puts the desire in our hearts to adopt.  He paves the way.  Isn't it reasonable that He paves the way for all types of adoption so that all areas are covered, not just the children in our own country?  Our own kind?  All adoption is important and one type isn't any better than the other.  Had we adopted from overseas we would have adored those children just as we adore our Mini Jedi, Fancy Pants and Baby Cakes.

Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. Ephesians 1:4-6

Stay tuned for my next post on educating yourself about adoption.

Tot School has taken over our shoe!

As some may know, we have been thinking seriously about homeschooling our girls once they are school age.  We recently made the decision to move forward with our plan.  What does that mean for my 2 and 3 year old girls?  It means that we are going to homeschool once they are supposed to officially start school.  However, in the meantime I have been wanting to do more of a formal routine with them during the week.  We play, play, play.  But we don't really play with a purpose.  We talk a lot about colors, letters, shapes, etc. as we go about our daily living.  The girls are ready for more though.  They are like little sponges!  So I had been looking around for a place to start.  I know how to plan for a classroom full of kids in a setting that is optimal for learning.  Incorporating it into my home however is a little different.  A friend posted a link to a blog all about "Tot School" and it is exactly what I've been looking for!  So we are preparing to start next week.  The girls are going to be thrilled!


I started off by organizing our activity closet.  I set it up a few months back because I wanted to do more organized learning with the girls, or playing with a purpose.  We have done some playing with a purpose, but not how I wanted.  Baby Cakes and I ran up to the Dollar Tree and picked up a few supplies to get us started (and to add to our crazy amount of craft and office items we already have!)  Here is what we got -

(Did I mention I LOVE the Dollar Tree?)

Then we came home and got to work.  Baby Cakes quickly deserted me and went off with daddy, but my Fancy Pants stood and talked to me the entire time I was cleaning.  Lucky me :) 

Before

As you probably can't see, there are plenty of resource books from when I taught preschool and did home daycare, craft supplies, puzzles, games, books, etc. 

After

Here is part of the after, I ended up needing to clean out part of the next closet which holds candles, Scentsy and some of my seasonal decorations. 

Trays

This last photo shows our "Trays", which will be a vital part of our Tot Schooling.  These trays will hold activities for the week.  For example, the trays right now hold a color/emotions game from Discovery Toys in one, colored pom poms and colored shapes in another (for sorting).  The 3rd main tray is empty, as are the other ones, since I'm not done planning for the week.  On the right hand side are some books I picked to go along with our focus for the week.  Next week we are going to focus on our colors, emotions and vegetables (which each have a color, so it fits right together!)  The girls have almost learned all their colors, however they struggle with a few, so this should help.  Fancy Pants has so many emotions mixed up in her that we want to make sure she has a name for them.  And our August planner has vegetables for the 4th week of August, plus we are getting a lot of tomatoes and squash in our garden right now.

What kinds of things do 2 and 3 year olds need to learn?  Well, the answer to that question is different depending on who you ask.  What would I like my 2 and 3 year olds to be exposed to in hopes that they learn it?  We will be focusing on our colors, shapes, counting, letter recognition, beginning writing for Fancy Pants, and sign language.  Both the girls just love to sign and know at least 10 signs each.  We will also talk about things like the garden, seasons, animals, Bible stories and many other topics.  We will be sure to include activities that stimulate all 5 senses and help develop their fine and gross motor skills. I don't expect the girls to master all of this right away.  Exposure in a fun setting is our goal.  They already love to learn, we are just going to make sure they are given the opportunity!

On a side note, Tony saw my progress and said "There's some of the old you coming out".  I did so much of this stuff with Mini Jedi when he was little.  It was so long ago that although I remember doing crafts with him every day, I remember making lesson plans for my preschoolers, I still feel like I'm not equipped to do it.  Once I start though I expect it all to come back and feel as natural as it did all those years ago!

You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. ~ Deuteronomy 6:7 ESV

Confessions of an adoptive mom

Hello my name is Tracee and I have a confession.  It is something I've known for awhile now, but no one wants to hear.  Not everyone will agree and that is ok, it doesn't make it any less true. 

Parenting an adopted child is different.

There.  I said it.  It's out there.  It's not something most people want to hear, even some adoptive parents.  It doesn't mean I love my adopted children less.  It doesn't mean I love my biological children less.  It doesn't even mean I don't love them all just as if they were my biological children.  Parenting them is just different.

We have been reading "20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed" and it has been so refreshing to read what my heart has known for some time now about adoption, my adopted children and parenting adopted children.  We are not crazy and we don't need to make our adopted children fit into the same box as biological children.  We don't need to prove that they are well adjusted and that since they've been with us 2 whole years we've worked through any issues they might have.  They are always going to be adopted.  It is always going to be different!  We have such a better understanding for our adopted children and their unique needs.

Like what?  Well, an example presented itself this week.  Goodbye's are hard on everyone.  But for adopted children they can raise questions that biological children generally don't have.  This summer was full of fun, but also one goodbye after another.  In 3 weeks we said goodbye to over 20 people that we are close to, not to mention numerous others that we love.  One of my best friends and her family is included in that number, the military moved them to a base about 2 1/2 hours from her. 

The day after my dear friend moved our little Fancy Pants decided to show her 3ness and have an emotional seizure. (Whoever decided 2's were more terrible than 3's were crazy!)  This particular one was rather long and drawn out.  Once she calmed my husband went in to talk to her.  Asking her why she is upset generally gets the answer "because I'm upset".  This day however after she gave her general answer a few times she looked up at her daddy with crocodile tears in her eyes and said "I miss Elaina."  Now, before we really embraced the fact that it's ok to admit parenting adopted children is different we might have thought this was an excuse or attention gainer.... because kids do that when they are in trouble!  And due to her previous actions, she was in trouble.

My husband came out of the room and said to me "It's saying goodbye.  She really can't handle it."  Now, had we stood outside and watched Elaina drive off, bawled our eyes out, said we'd never see her again, etc. I would have totally expected all my children to be traumatized from it.  But we did no such thing, we hugged her at church on Sunday, just as we do every Sunday.  We spoke to the kids about it, but not at length because we will still see her, she's not too far.  It's sad, but she didn't move to Alaska!  She's just up the road a bit.

So Tony and I talked about our Fancy Pants loss.  She lost her biological mother (no she did no die, but it is still a loss).  She lost her first foster mother.  She lost her biological father and her first foster dad.  When our foster children leave it is hard for her.  She used to wonder when she was leaving too.  I started to think back over the summer and the day after we left California she was having emotional seizures all day long!  As soon as we got home from Grandma's the next week, same thing.  She is afraid!  She is so scared she can't see straight. 

So now it was my turn to talk with her.  We sat on her bed and cuddled and talked about her stuffed animals, the music that was playing and other random things.  I told her "I know you miss Elaina."  And she started to get teary.  "I know you had to say goodbye to Nani and Papa, Grandma and Papa, all your aunts and uncles, Grandma, and Elaina.  That's a lot of people to say goodbye to."  She nodded her little head.  "You know,  you are never going to have to say goodbye to mommy.  I'm never going to leave you."  And the tears just started flowing.  I am pretty sure we hit the nail on the head with that statement.

Now, if I pretended that adoption parenting was the same thing as parenting my biological child then my poor Fancy Pants fears would go unnoticed her whole life.  They might come out as emotional seizures for the next 18 years!  Every adopted child is different.  Some could really care less that they are adopted, they may not think about it at all.  Our Baby Cakes will most likely be that way.  Did we work through her fears in one evening?  No.  It will take awhile, but we are seeing her in a whole new light.  We are allowing ourselves to parent her differently, the way she needs to be parented.

But Ruth replied, "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me." When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her.  Ruth 1:16-18

California, Florida and Texas, Oh My!

July has flown past for us, as well as the first week of August.  All our scheduled trips are over and we are winding down for the summer.  I thought that I would surely blog at least once a week on vacation but I only glanced in the direction of my computer when my memory cards for my cameras were full!! 

Over 1,100 pictures later, here is a quick recap of what we did, if you don't follow me on Facebook -

Florida - We spent a week at a resort Okaloosa Island, Fort Walton Beach!  We stayed at the Ramada right on the water.  The kids and I spent our days between the beach, 2 pools and splash park!  Tony got to spend the first few days playing with us and then the last few days he had meetings for all or part of the day.  Friday afternoon after his conference was over we attended the much anticipated shrimp boil!  The conference is done twice a year and they always end it with this shrimp boil.  Last year I went along with Tony, no kids.  So this year it was something to look forward to and just as good! 

California - This was our trip to visit family.  Much of my family hadn't ever met Fancy Pants or Angel Face!  My dad and sister's hadn't seen Tony in over 7 years and I hadn't seen them in almost 2.  Tony's parents had never been able to have all their grandchildren in their home together and again none of our friends or family in Tehachapi had met our girls or seen Tony in quite some time.  Our first part of vacation we went to Tony's parents and explored the new, improved Tehachapi.  It looks very different than the little town we grew up in.  We showed Mini Jedi my old home, where we met, the places we hung out and we all explored all the new places and ate at our old favorite restaurants!  When we left we really felt a longing to come back and raise our kids there some day.  We'll see where the Lord takes us! 

Our second stop in California was Disneyland!!!  Tony's parents treated us to a wonderful two days at California Adventure and Disneyland.  We really had a blast.  The girls got to meet some princesses and our Mini Jedi got to be a Jedi Apprentice in the Jedi Training Academy.  We all rode our favorite rides and Mini Jedi even rode Space Mountain for the first time, as well as the Tower of Terror.  The boys had fun collecting the pins that now grace every shop in the theme park!  The girls got their names on Mickey Ears and cute sweaters (the evenings were so chilly!)  

The day after Disneyland we met two of my cousins and their kids at Legoland!  Mini Jedi has wanted to go to Legoland for years.  Have I mentioned that his entire room is full of Legos?  Legos and Star Wars.  That's about it!  We planned this day just for him, he is such a trooper, a great big brother not only to his sisters but all our foster children.  He never complains that he no longer has mom and dad to himself.  We pretty much did all the things he wanted to do.  My cousins were so great, they'd been before and could go again so they happily let Mini Jedi call the shots most of the day.  We even stopped on our way out and got him a characature drawing of himself as a Lego Jedi figure! 

The last part of our trip was at my dad's house.  I was afraid that we'd be exhausted by then and be too tired to truly enjoy ourselves but I worried for nothing.  We had the absolute best time!  The girls had so much fun playing with their little cousin Lele.  Mini Jedi had the best time with my youngest sister who is 2 years older than him.  We swam every day, played games, BBQed... it was perfect!  We got to introduce the girls to all their aunts and uncles, great grandparents, cousins, etc. 

The only bad day we had was our last full day in Cali.  Saying goodbye was the hardest it has ever been.  Tony promised that it wouldn't be so long before we visited again, but once a year still isn't much.  After saying goodbye we went to meet more family for dinner in another town on the way home.  While we waited for time to pass we took the kids to Build-A-Bear, Mini Jedi got his bear he built at 5 a Jedi costume and both girls got to make their own animals.  In the end I made one too, Tony said I had to since I was the only member of the family who didn't have one (Tony has one that we made when he deployed with our voices in it for him).  We had a great dinner with our family that evening, but weren't able to get back on the road until 10:30... not by choice but the story is longer than I want to type and not worth repeating!  By this time poor Fancy Pants had a raging fever.  So although the day was fun it was so stressful and really the only bad day (and not even all bad!) we had the entire vacation!

And the last part of vacation we drove to my mom's in Ft. Worth this past weekend to visit my sister Heather, that I didn't see in California and my brother Robert.  I got to meet both of their new significant others, which was great!  We celebrated Heather's 22nd birthday and had a great time just hanging out at mom's house. 

Now that vacations are over I will be back to posting more.  I'll try to post some more vacation photos soon as well :)